You’re probably thinking, “Stage 4?! Wait…what happened to stage 3?” and, yes, you’re confusion would be warranted. You see, upon finishing my amazing Modern Farmhouse Powder Room, originally dubbed Phase 2, I’d embarked on a fantastical journey across my formal living room, a Rustic Coastal treasure I’d already earmarked Phase 3. That lil’ project has yet to be finished and since I have the patience of a sand flea, the new, shiny prospect of a new project caught my attention.
We get it. I’m fickle. But I digress.
Phase 4.
Ahem.
Prepare yourself….it’s a long one.
Before I get into the meat and potatoes of this post, I’m going to whisk you back. Back before 2020. Before the Donald Trump debacle. Back, to a time before Facebook bought Instagram and the launch of Tinder. Before Jane Anthony was little more than a twinkle in a young girl’s eye. Close your eyes and imagine … you’re standing in the Home Depot. The year is 2011, and you’re looking at a bathroom vanity. But not just any vanity — nay nay — a mahogany vintage replica with large drawers and a beige granite top with inlaid sink all on sale for … $199?! AND it fits perfectly in the awkward space wedged between the wall and shower? What’s that you say? The mirror comes with it?! Ooooh, it’s all too good to be true!!
A few years later, I realized it was.
Yes, I know, it’s a disgusting mess. And yes, that is a box of tampons. Don’t judge me lol
This fuckin’ vanity (pardon my French) is trash. After just a few years in my master bath, all the finish started peeling and dropping to the floor like autumn leaves. Every time I’d open and close my drawers (which don’t even close completely at this point), another piece would flutter down.
The mirror was not much better. Any water that touched it for the briefest second made the finish curl up like forgotten pieces of parchment. It was, by far, the biggest pile of dung ever laid inside that bathroom and I was stuck with it.
Not only was it a perfect fit, but it had already been meticulously tiled around. Removing it meant removing the tile and ain’t nobody got time for that. So I lived with it. Wiping up mahogany flakes and cursing Home Depot for having ever been born.
My master bathroom was easily my least favorite room in the WHOLE house, and if you read Phase 1, you know I’m saying a lot.
By Spring 2020, I’d had enough. I started thinking, “what if I painted it?” At that point, I was still jonesing over that mahogany finish for some bizarre reason and started researching how to recreate it with paint. I poured over the internet and watched a dozen tutorials on how to faux wood finish. One May afternoon, I felt ready. I won’t bore you with ALL those details since my entire bathroom has completely changed since (See? Fickle.), but I’ll leave you with this crumb of back story: it took some orange paint, a mahogany gel stain, and the way wrong sheen of polyurethane to get this look. I’ll share a few after pics to give you an idea of how that worked out.
This is what happens when you’re too lazy to buy satin poly, so you use what you have in the house. So shiny!
Ignore that lovely view of my ceiling and look at that detail on the frame!
I was really happy with this for a while. Everything looked nice and clean. There was no more peeling finish which was a huge bonus. But, as my animosity began melting away, so did my love for the work I’d done. It was good, but it wasn’t great. You’ve read my books. You know I’m a stickler for details and this Band-Aide slap was never going to appease me long term. No. I’m tired of mediocre home furnishings, and I need more. More drama, more excitement. I need gadgets and gizmos a-plenty; whozits and whatzits galore. My master bath was dry whole wheat; bland and tasteless. I’d improved it by slathering it in butter, but what I really wanted was French Toast! That’s when I made the discovery.
My bathroom was brown.
Why the frig was my bathroom brown?
Every room in my house was decked out in black and gray at that point. My bedroom was glitzed out in old Hollywood Glamour but the en suite bath was drowning in poo. The vanity, the cabinets, the tile, the window blinds, mats, curtains, the WALLS - brown, brown, BROWN!
No shade to those of you who dig this look — let your brown flags fly — but, for me, it had to go. One problem stood in my way: I have beige tile and a beige countertop. (I guess that’s two problems lol) I had to find a way to work around them both because a total gut job was NOT part of the plan.
Another issue rearing its ugly head: I’d made this grand discovery a week before I was having these baller shower doors installed. (I have a neo-angle shower. The doors are a WHOLE blog post in and of itself, but I’ll spare you that saga.) The vanity butts up against the shower. If I was going to make a change, I needed to make it fast. No fartin’ around with color samples. It was go time.
This photo does it absolutely no justice. I assure you, there’s green in there.
The granite top on my vanity is various shades of beiges and browns but, if you look real close, peppered within are cool green tones. The thought of painting my walls green made me feel a little nauseated. Yet, the idea of a fun pop of color in the form of a vintage vanity sounded peachy keen.
I ran to my garage and started pulling out swatches. The moment I laid the color strip out on my vanity, my eyes instantly gravitated to a soothing, soft sage that looked incredible against the granite. London was the winner!
After that, I decided on a nice creamy off white for the walls. Again, I laid out all the swatches and immediately loved Timeless White by Sherwin Williams. Not only is it a very close match to my sink and shower base, but all the colors together looked so calm, so peaceful. The exact sort of serene feel you want in a master bath.
With all my colors picked, it was time to work.
Since Heirloom Traditions Paint (HTP) isn’t available in stores, I ended up ordering the vanity paint on Amazon to take advantage of Prime shipping. This hurt, because the store was having a huge sale, but I didn’t have the time to wait. My shower door was coming that weekend and I needed to hustle.
After that, I started on the walls. Lemme tell you a secret: I love Sherwin William’s paint colors, but I hate their paint. I always take my swatches to Home Depot (ahhh and the ole’ HD redeems itself!) to have them mixed into Behr Ultra. Here’s a tiny tidbit of insider info I learned: Home Depot has all the recipes for all the paint brands - even ones they don’t carry. All you have to do is tell them the name, usually, and they can mix it right up for you. My guy at the paint depo (yes, I have a guy. His name’s Jim. He rocks) taught me that years ago and I always go to him to mix me up a batch of them tasty beets.
I also feel compelled to add that I worked so fast that I failed to consult my husband on any of my plans. He walked into the room and was like “Uh… you’re painting the bathroom?”
Anywho….
I gave the walls and ceiling two nice coats of Timeless White and freshened up all the trim with bright white semi-gloss. (Side note - I love that monochromatic look of two white tones side by side. I just think it pops.) A couple of days later, my HTP arrived.
Pardon the sales pitch (I swear I don’t work for this company in any way. I just like their product) but if y’all have furniture or cabinets to paint, this is the paint you want to use. I’ve used it for several projects, and it is hands down the best product I’ve found. And I paint EVERYTHING. Seriously, if it can’t walk away from me, the chances are good, I will try painting it at some point. It is all in one (paint, primer, satin finish) but it’s not enamel. It’s self-leveling like chalk paint and leaves no streaks. Just a perfect factory finish. I’m planning on using it to paint my kitchen cabinets this spring. (Did I just lay the groundwork for #RonaReno Phase 5?! You bet your Scooby Snacks I did!)
So where was I?
Oh! The vanity. I painted that sucker up good.
First coat. This is what us in the DIY world refer to as “The Ugly Coat”
Prep work is key. I did two rounds of liquid sandpaper, scrubbing at the finish with a green pad like an old washwoman before switching to a fine-grit sanding block. The HTP peeps boast that sanding is unnecessary as long as you “degloss” with the liquid sandpaper, but my vanity gets a lot of action. I wanted to make sure that this paint was going to latch onto the wood, not slide off those two hideous coats of polyurethane I’d slapped on there earlier this year. It took some time, and my hands felt arthritic when I was done, but it’s worth it, if only for the peace of mind.
As I was slathering on that first coat, I was second-guessing myself BIG TIME. That ugly coat is a tricky beast. It’s so damned hideous and splotchy and panic-inducing, but I’d already started and couldn’t turn back now.
As I was finishing this part up, the glass guy called (mind you, it’s 8pm) and told me he’d be over tomorrow. I was like “uhhh uhhh uhhh” because I’m a classic people pleaser and my brain locked up in closemouthed hysteria at the very notion of telling him no. But the words eventually fell from my lips and we decided to keep our appointment to Saturday as scheduled. Crisis averted.
I opted to keep the mirror with its faux mahogany finish. Too much matchy matchy is never a good look and I had plans for the rest of the space. Besides, the wood added a nice warm contrast to the cool sage tone of the vanity. It also complemented my brown mats and towels.
After 2 coats, I was finished with the vanity and moved on a storage cabinet behind my door. This, too, I kept with a two-tone look, leaving the top and inside mahogany and only painting the outer shell. It’s funky and cool and I really love how it came out.
With this piece finished, the room really felt like it was starting to come together!
My window was the next hurdle. Much like the rest of the room, the window was dressed in boring brown blinds. It felt so sterile, and the slats were a magnet for dust that had mixed with the moisture in the air and cemented itself on.
I painted those wall hangings, too! Man, I’m unstoppable!
It wasn’t a good look and I wanted them gone. Problem is, I hate everything. Literally … everything I find is U.G.L.Y. Thus I embarked on my most adventurous makeover yet: turning these nasty old blinds into a beautiful Roman Shade.
This was the part where I seriously started to doubt my skills.
I found the most gorgeous fabric at Joann Stores. It had all the colors I was looking for undulating in a beautiful medallion print. The second I saw it, I knew it would perfect. I bought two yards and rushed home to get started.
Unlike everything else I did in the room, this project took quite a bit of preplanning. I knew exactly how I wanted it to work, I just needed to figure out the mechanics of it. It would have been a total bummer to tear apart my blinds only to find out I’d made some sort of stupid mistake and had to buy new ones.
Mistakes were made.
I’ll get to that in a second.
First, I figured out the length and width I wanted the shade be: roughly the same length as the blinds with just a little extra on each side and the length from the top of the bracket to the bottom of my window. I did this twice to ensure I’d gotten the right measurement, then I add two inches on top and side to make up for a one-inch seam around the perimeter of the curtain. Once I had my measurements ready, I laid my fabric out on the floor and got to work.
I measured, I cut, I folded, I ironed …. I made a perfect rectangle of fabric, and when I was finished, I carried it over to the window to marvel at my awesomeness but was brutally rebuffed by my own foolish haste.
Yeah…I cut it ten inches too short.
Crap.
Back to Joann’s I went.
Left: garbage that took me hours to make. Right: brand new opportunities for further mistakes. Kill me.
Now armed with another two yards, I got to work. Again. Roman Shades, take two! This time, to ensure the measurements were accurate, I drew out my intended cut on the fabric BEFORE hanging it on the window. (See? I’m learning!)
Once I was sure, I repeated the whole process again until I had another — much larger — rectangle. Then it came time to destroy my blinds.
The blinds were going to be my skeleton for the shade. I only needed the mechanism that brings it up and down and a few slats so my fabric has something to cling to. I pulled them down all the way, then gently pried them off the bracket and awkwardly carried them into my bedroom where I laid them out on the prepared fabric (all was face down). Then, I carefully cut the ladder pieces that hold the slats on, leaving the center strings. I was legit nervous doing this. I kept stopping to make sure I was making the right cuts. I’d already made a $30 mistake, I didn’t want to make any more.
After that, I took it all apart, keeping just the bottom, the top, and 6 slats. I did some more math (FYI I suck at math) to figure out even spacing between slats, then glued it all back together, making sure that the center strings can easily slide through the holes. (Have I lost you at this point? I know … I’m rambling. Bear with me. The big reveal is coming.)
I mean…. sometimes I even amaze myself.
The last thing I did was swap out the silver hardware for these amazing vintage knobs and just like that…. my bathroom was complete.
Would I have preferred to redo the whole thing from the ground up? Absolutely! But given what I had to work with, it’s a damn good improvement and I’m really happy with the way it turned out. The greens and whites are a beautiful, soothing complement to the beiges and browns, and the roman shade adds a touch of femininity to an otherwise masculine space.
It may not the perfect decor, but it’s still the perfect space to sit and read ;)
